Thursday, March 30, 2017

ONE SOLITARY LIFE THAT CHANGED THE WORLD

ONE SOLITARY LIFE THAT CHANGED THE WORLD

Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another obscure village. He worked in a carpenter shop until He was thirty, and then for three years He was an itinerant preacher.

He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never owned a home. He never had a family.

He never went to college. He never put his foot inside a big city. He never traveled two hundred miles from the place where He was born. He never did one of the things that contemporary society would consider a sign of greatness.

He had no credentials but Himself. He had nothing of this world, only the power of His divine manhood. While still a young man, the tide of popular opinion turned against Him.

His friends ran away. One of them denied Him; another betrayed Him. He was turned over to His enemies. He went through the mockery of a trial.

He was nailed to a cross between two thieves. While He was dying, His executioners gambled for the only piece of property He had on earth—His coat. When He was dead, He was taken down and laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend.

Twenty centuries have come and gone, and today He is the centerpiece of the human race, the greatest source of guidance and divine inspiration.

I am far within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, and all the navies that ever were built, and all the parliaments that ever sat, and all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as that one solitary life—Jesus!

Why Did Jesus Die?
Why would the Lord of the universe, God in the flesh, allow Himself to be captured, falsely accused, tried and condemned, whipped, stripped, and nailed to a cross like a common criminal? The answer is simple: Because He loved you and me!
All of us at times have done wrong and been unloving and unkind to others. The Bible says, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”1 The worst thing about our sins is that they separate us from God, who is absolutely sinless and perfect. In order to bring us to God, Jesus, the sinless Son of God, took the sins of all mankind upon Himself. He took the punishment for our sins and suffered the horrible pain of death by crucifixion. He died the death of a sinner that through His sacrifice, we might find forgiveness and freedom from our sins.

Isaiah 54:10 ESV / For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Psalm 26:3 ESV / For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness.

Revelation 3:19 ESV / Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna (Surv.)

A DECLARATION OF LOVE

A DECLARATION OF LOVE

Love is the primary solution to all of man’s problems of today, as well as those of the past—true love, the love of God and the love of fellow man. This is still God’s answer, even in such a complex and confused society as that of the world today.

It is people’s rejection of the love of God and His loving laws that causes them to be selfish and cruel to their neighbor—man’s inhumanity to man, which is so apparent in today’s weary world with all of its enslavement by oppression, tyranny, and exploitation. Hundreds of millions suffer needlessly from hunger and malnutrition, disease and ill health, poverty, overwork, and abuse—not to mention the tortures of war and nightmares of perpetual fearful insecurity. All of these evils are caused by people’s lack of love for God and each other, as well as their defiance of God’s laws of love, faith, peace, and harmony.

The solution is simple: If we truly love God, we can love each other. We can then follow His rules of life, liberty, and the possession of happiness, and all will be well and happy in Him.

This is why Jesus said that the first and greatest commandment is to love—to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” And the second is “like it”—it’s almost equal, almost the same: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37–39).

If we have real love, we can’t face a needy situation without doing something about it. We can’t just pass by the poor man on the road to Jericho! We must take action like the Good Samaritan did (See Luke 10:25–37). Many people today say of those who need help, “Oh, I’m so sorry, how sad.” But compassion must be put into action. That’s the difference between pity and compassion: Pity just feels sorry; compassion does something about it.

We must demonstrate our faith by our works, and love can seldom be proven without some tangible manifestation. To say you love someone and yet not try to help them physically in whatever way they may need—food, clothing, shelter, and so on—this is not love! True, the need for real love is a spiritual need, but it must be manifested physically, in works—“faith working through love” (Galatians 5:6). “For whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:17–18).

However, we must always remember that the greatest manifestation of our love is not the mere sharing of our material things and personal possessions, but the sharing of ourselves with others, along with our love and our faith. Jesus had nothing material to share with His disciples, only His love and His life, which He gave for them and for us, that we too might have life and love forever.

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13). So we consider that the sharing of ourselves, our love, and our lives with others is the greatest of all sharing and our ultimate goal.

True happiness is found not in personal pursuit of selfish pleasure and satisfaction, but in finding God and giving His love to others and bringing them happiness. Do that, and happiness will pursue and overtake and overwhelm you personally, without your even seeking it for yourself.

“For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Galatians 6:7). If you sow love, you’re going to reap love. If you sow friendship, you’re going to reap friendship. So obey God’s laws of love—unselfish love, love for Him and others. Give others that love which is their due, and so shall you also receive. “Whatever measure you use to give—large or small—will be used to measure what is given back to you” (Luke 6:38 TLB).

Find out what wonders love can do. You’ll find a whole new world of love you have only dreamed of! There are wonders of love that you can enjoy along with some other lonely soul—if only you will try. If you give love, you will get love.

Love wasn’t put in your heart to stay.
Love isn’t love till you give it away!

2 Corinthians 9:7 ESV / Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Acts 20:35 ESV / In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Luke 6:38 ESV / Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna (Surv.)

Falling in Love

Falling in Love

Twice in my life, I've had friends who were in the process of divorcing their spouses who looked me straight in the face, and admitted, "I know, I'm reneging on my wedding vows." At least they were honest. So were Bill McCartney and company when they challenged us to be promise-keepers. That's what it's really all about - promise keeping.

If I can't trust someone to remain true to their word when they have made the most solemn pledge of their entire lives before God, spouse, and a Christian congregation, why should I trust them for anything else?

Now, of course, God is a God of amazing grace, wonderful forgiveness and countless fresh starts. And I have dear friends who sinned miserably with their first spouses and are having godly, inspiring second marriages.

But they repented. They called sinsin. They confessed to God and fellow humans. They prayed forforgiveness. They received godly counsel and, often, counseling. Their lives genuinely changed. The words we use for labeling concepts do matter.

Most countries and cultures in the history of the world that have practiced arranged marriages have had extremely low divorce rates. At least those couples recognized that it wasn't feelings or emotions that made or unmade marriages. They were also less likely to define love as a feeling or an emotion in the first place.

1 Corinthians 13 ends with the famous 1 Corinthians 13:13 : "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." If love is eternal and love is the greatest of the attributes we will share throughout eternity, maybe we'd better start paying more attention in this life to what it truly involves. Richard Walker, a former pastor of mine and founder of AMOR Ministries, working with Brazilians in the Upper Amazon basin, put it well, "Love is the giving of the very best you have on behalf of another regardless of response." - even when it's thrown back in your face. Isn't that what Jesus did with and for us?

STRESS REDUCERS

STRESS REDUCERS

Question: I’m under pressure at work and pressure at home, pressure to succeed, pressure to provide for my family, and pressure to be a good parent and spouse—pressure from every side. So often I just don’t know how to cope! What can I do?

Answer: Stress is becoming an almost inescapable part of modern life—almost, because there are things one can do to avoid getting under undue stress or living in a state of constant stress. While some of the following tips are of a strictly physical nature—getting sufficient exercise or eating the right kinds of foods, for example—others add a spiritual dimension by bringing Jesus into the equation in a very real and personal way.

Jesus can be your counselor, coach, business manager, intercessor, executive secretary, personal trainer, confidant, and best friend. In short, He is everything you need to contend with the stress that has become part of modern living and to come through a winner!

Tips for Stress Reduction
Pray. Make quiet time with Jesus a daily habit.
Go to bed on time; get enough sleep.
Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
Say no to projects that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
Delegate tasks to others who are capable.
Laugh.
Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time, when possible; don’t lump the hard things all together.
Concentrate on things you have direct control over—yourself and your habits—rather than on things that you have little or no control over.
Get organized so everything has its place.
Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a valid concern, find out what God would have you do about it. If you’re worried about something that you can’t or shouldn’t do anything about, then put it in His hands.
Live within your budget; don’t buy things on credit if you don’t have to.
Take one day at a time.
Have backups—an extra car key in your wallet; an extra house key buried in the garden; extra postage stamps; batteries for your flashlight, cell phone, etc.; back up your computer files.
Carry God’s Word with you to read while waiting or during spare moments.
Take your work seriously, but yourself not at all.
Use the time while driving or riding in your car to listen to Bible-based cassettes, CDs, or MP3s that can help improve your quality of life.
Keep a folder of favorite Scriptures or inspirational readings on hand.
Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a hearty “Thank You, Jesus!”
Don’t take on new work until you have taken care of timely matters that are still pending.
Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don’t wait until it’s time to go to bed to pray.
Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
Simplify and declutter your life.
Every night before bed, think of at least one thing you’re grateful for that came out of your day.
Develop a forgiving attitude. (Most people are doing the best they can.)
Get enough exercise.
Be kind to unkind people. (They probably need it the most.)
Eat right.
Slow down.
Thank God for what’s coming, because He won’t send you anything that you and He together can’t handle.

Where Troubles Can’t Touch You

Submariners tell us that no storms ever reach very deep into the ocean. The water is perfectly calm a hundred feet down, no matter how high the breakers may rise on the surface. There is quiet in the depths that no surface storms can disturb. This is possible, too, in human lives; there can be serenity and peace within, undisturbed by the storms of the world. Jesus is our peace.

When life feels like a tiny, windowless room and its four walls are closing in, you can create a window of escape through the Word of God.

As you read and meditate on the Word, as you believe God’s promises and claim them as your own, wonderful things await you. The warm sunshine of His love will melt away the tension.

Philippians 4:6 ESV / Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

John 14:27 ESV / Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Psalm 55:22 ESV / Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna (Surv.)

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Question: "How can you believe in salvation by faith alone when the only

Question: "How can you believe in salvation by faith alone when the only occurrence of ‘faith alone’ in the Bible (James 2:24) says that salvation is not by faith alone?"

Answer: It is entirely true that the one verse in the Bible that contains the exact phrase “faith alone”seems to argue against salvation by faith alone. James 2:24 reads, “You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone” (ESV). However, rejecting the doctrine of salvation by faith alone based on this verse has two major problems. First, the context of James 2:24 is not arguing against the doctrine of salvation by faith alone. Second, the Bible does not need to contain the precise phrase “faith alone” in order to clearly teach salvation by faith alone.

James 2:14–26, as a whole, and especially verse 24, has been the subject of some confused interpretations. The passage definitely seems to cause serious problems for the “salvation by faith alone” concept. First, we need to clear up a misconception, namely, that James means the same thing by “justified” in James 2:24 that Paul means in Romans 3:28. Paul is using the wordjustified to mean “declared righteous by God.” Paul is speaking of God’s legal declaration of us as righteous as Christ’s righteousness is applied to our account. James is using the wordjustified to mean “being demonstrated and proved.”

The 2011 NIV provides an excellent rendering of James 2:24: “You see that a person isconsidered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone” (emphasis added). Similarly, the NLT translation of James 2:24 reads, “So you see, we are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone” (emphasis added). The entire James 2:14–26 passage is about proving the genuineness of your faith by what you do. A genuine salvation experience by faith in Jesus Christ will inevitably result in good works (cf. Ephesians 2:10). The works are the demonstration and proof of faith (James 2:18). A faith without works is useless (James 2:20) and dead (James 2:17); in other words, it is not true faith at all. Salvation is by faith alone, but that faith will never be alone.

While James 2:24 is the only verse that contains the precise phrase “faith alone,” there are many other verses that do, in fact, teach salvation by faith alone. Any verse that ascribes salvation to faith/belief, with no other requirement mentioned, is a declaration that salvation is by faith alone. John 3:16 declares that salvation is given to “whoever believes in Him.” Acts 16:31 proclaims, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.” Ephesians 2:8 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith.” See also Romans 3:28; 4:5; 5:1; Galatians 2:16; 3:24; Ephesians 1:13; and Philippians 3:9. Many other verses could be referenced in addition to these.

In summary, James 2:24 does not argue against salvation by faith alone. Rather, it argues against a salvation that is alone, a salvation devoid of good works and obedience to God’s Word. James’s point is that we demonstrate our faith by what we do (James 2:18). Regardless of the absence of the precise phrase “faith alone,” the New Testament definitely teaches that salvation is the product of God’s grace in response to our faith. “Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? . . . On that of faith” (Romans 3:27). There is no other requirement.

Friday, March 24, 2017

PSALM 23—WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?

PSALM 23—WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?

The Lord is my shepherd.—That’s relationship.
I shall not want.—That’s supply.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.—That’s rest.
He leads me beside the still waters.—That’s refreshment.
He restores my soul.—That’s spiritual healing.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness… —That’s guidance.
… for His name’s sake.—That’s purpose.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death… —That’s tribulation.
… I will fear no evil… —That’s protection.
… for You are with me.—That’s faithfulness.
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.—That’s discipline.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.—That’s hope.
You anoint my head with oil, my cup runs over.—That’s abundance.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.—That’s blessing.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord…—That’s security.
… forever.—That’s eternity.
—David the psalmist, with comments by an unknown author

Romans 8:37-39 ESV / No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV / For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

1 John 4:18 ESV / There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Onyedikachi Kingsley Ogbonna (Surv.)

40 Consequences of Adultery

40 Consequences of Adultery

The counterfeit pleasure of an affair can never overcome the ways infidelity can destroy a life and marriage.
By Dave Boehi
Feb 07, 2015
Image result for Before You Touch Her Body

We were praying for someone who was cheating on his wife. And I was struck by what one person said in his prayer: "Lord, work in his heart so that he will think less about the pleasure he is experiencing and more about the pain he is causing."
That seemed quite appropriate to me. A spouse who is caught up in adultery is living only for the moment, caught up in a fantasy of excitement and desire, and ignoring the very real consequences.
Recently a seminary paper came across my desk titled "100 Consequences of Adultery," written by Philip Jay, a student at Phoenix Seminary. The list provides a stark wake-up call about the ways infidelity can destroy a life and marriage. Here's a selection from Jay's list, presented with his permission:
If I committed adultery...
  1. My relationship with God would suffer from a break in fellowship.
  2. I would need to seek forgiveness from my Lord.
  3. I would suffer from the emotional consequences of guilt.
  4. I would spend countless hours replaying the failure.
  5. My wife would suffer the scars of this abuse more deeply than I could begin to describe.
  6. My wife would spend countless hours in counseling.
  7. My wife's recovery would be long and painful.
  8. Her pain would grieve me deeply and compound my own suffering and shame.
  9. Our relationship would suffer a break in trust, fellowship, and intimacy.
  10. We would be together, yet feel great loneliness.
  11. The reputation of my family would suffer loss.
  12. My sons would be deeply disappointed and bewildered.
  13. My grandchildren would not understand.
  14. My friends would be disappointed and would question my integrity.
  15. I would lose my job at church.
  16. My witness among neighbors would become worthless.
  17. My witness to my brother would be worthless.
  18. My testimony among my wife's family would be damaged.
  19. I might never be employed by a church again.
  20. I might never be in men's ministry leadership.
  21. I would suffer God's discipline.
  22. Satan would be thrilled at my failure.
  23. Satan would work overtime to be sure my shame never departed.
  24. My wife might divorce me.
  25. My children might never speak to me.
  26. Our mutual friends would shy away from us and break fellowship.
  27. I would bring emotional pain to the woman.
  28. I would bring reproach upon the woman.
  29. If the woman is married, her husband might attempt to bring harm.
  30. He might divorce her.
  31. An unwanted child could be produced.
  32. My part in conception might trigger an abortion, the killing of an innocent child.
  33. Disease might result.
  34. Some might conclude that all Christians are hypocrites.
  35. My business could fail because I couldn't be trusted.
  36. My leadership among those I have led in the past might also be diminished in impact.
  37. My zeal for ministry would suffer and possibly result in others not continuing in ministry.
  38. My health would suffer.
  39. I might have to start life over again.
  40. This same sin might be visited upon my family for four generations.
It's a pretty sobering list, isn't it? What's even more sobering is that many people will consider these consequences and still proceed in their sin. The fantasy is more important to them than the reality.
Also note that, though the list reflects a man's perspective, nearly all the consequences would also apply to a wife committing adultery. The biggest benefit of this list may be in helping all of us realize the need to set up strict safeguards to ensure that we are faithful in our marriage commitment. If I am convinced of what adultery would do to me and to my family, I will watch my wandering eyes, guard my thought life, and avoid any situations that could put me in harm's way.
The fantasy is just not worth it.

Copyright © 2017 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Before You Touch Her Body

Before You Touch Her Body

For romance to deepen, here is a truth that should be emblazoned on the heart of every husband.
By C. J. Mahaney
 
Growing up, I hated school and studying. Well, I hated most studying. But I loved two local sports teams: the University of Maryland Terps—specifically, the basketball team—and my beloved Washington Redskins. Somehow I acquired an impressive body of knowledge about these teams, even as I continued to get lousy grades in school.
While class work was mostly drudgery, learning about the Terps and Skins was effortless joy. I loved to watch them, think about them, read about them, talk about them, and listen to games on the radio. To absorb everything I possibly could about these guys—to study them—was rich food for my schoolboy's soul.
Why was that kind of learning so easy for me when formal education was so hard? What made the difference?
Image result for Before You Touch Her Body
Passion.
No secret there. What we love, we want to learn about. And what we love to study, we come to love even more. That's just the way God has wired us. I loved the Terps and Skins; so learning about them and growing in my zeal for them was a totally natural process.
I still enjoy following those teams, but my strongest passions now lie elsewhere.
My highest and greatest love will always be reserved for God, for when I was His enemy and worthy of His righteous wrath, in His great mercy He sent His only Son to live a perfect life and die a perfect death in my place. But after my love for God, nothing compares to the passion I hold for Carolyn, my wife.
Because I have this passion for her, I have studied her. I've noticed and noted details about her. All kinds of details. Everything from the kinds of snacks she likes, to what certain facial expressions reveal, to this one particular freckle that only I see.
It has been my privilege to be a student of Carolyn since before our engagement. As I have studied her—seeking to learn what pleases, excites, honors, encourages, refreshes, and helps her—my love for her has only increased.
The truth that can change your marriage
There is a truth that should be emblazoned on the heart of every husband. If you remember nothing else from this article, remember this:
In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body.
This, gentlemen, is a truth that can change your marriage. Nothing kindles erotic romance in a marriage like a husband who knows how to touch the heart and mind of his wife before he touches her body.
Too often we reverse the order. We touch her body prematurely and expect that she will respond immediately and passionately. Normally that's not how it works.
Some of you have been married a relatively short time, while others have spent decades with your wife. Whatever your situation, we all have this in common: There is still much we can and should be learning about that unique and precious woman who is our wife, that gift from God to whom we have pledged our lifelong devotion. There are two primary ways we can learn how to touch her heart and mind: by studying her and by asking her questions.
If you have children living in the home, then of all the questions you could ask her, this one is especially revealing:
Do you feel more like a mother or a wife?
(If you don't have children at home, replace "mother" with whatever role is likely to be in competition with "wife." It might be something like "homemaker," "employee," or "professional." Then you can apply the principles in this section to your specific circumstances.)
There can be a selfish, sinful tendency among husbands to view their wives as a goal that, once achieved, is then taken for granted. That is how a wife with children comes to feel primarily like a mother. And that is why the very idea of asking a question like this can cause many husbands to swallow hard and consider going off to watch a little TV. But please don't—I want this to be an encouragement to you.
There may be many children in your family, from infants to 20-somethings. A variety of legitimate activities may consume huge quantities of your wife's time. Health, finances, or other factors may present significant, ongoing challenges. But whatever your situation, if you make it a priority to love and care for your wife as Christ does the Church, God will touch her heart so that, even when surrounded by diapers, dishes, and diseases, she can answer that question with joy: "I feel more like a wife."
Not for a moment am I denying the importance of a mother's role. Carolyn and I have four children (with our grandchildren count continuing to rise). Motherhood is exceptionally important. It calls for immense sacrifices and deserves great honor. But I can say with full conviction that according to Scripture, motherhood is never to be a wife's primary role. In fact, I think the most effective mothers are wives who are being continually, biblically romanced by their husbands.
As for you, your primary role is not to raise your children (or to excel in your career or immerse yourself in hobbies or anything else) but to build a marriage by God's grace that reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church. That's why the most effective fathers are husbands who make it their aim to love their wives biblically.
Godly children, whose lives bring much glory to the Lord and much delight to their parents, come from truly biblical marriages. As you learn more and more how to love and lead your wife as Christ does the Church, you will become a more godly, wise, loving, compassionate, Christlike father to your children. And your wife will become more full of joy, hope, and peace and will radiate more of the love and grace of God in all she does.
Your children should be able to look at your life and know beyond any doubt that they have the great privilege of being the most important people in the world to you ... right after their mom.
Learning and gathering
As a romancer of my wife, I know that my essential role is that of a student and a planner. So I constantly keep my eyes and ears open for ideas to record. I've been known not to hear my name called in a doctor's office because I am furiously scribbling information from a magazine article.
I keep track of good getaway spots, ideas for dates, and many other bits of useful information. I know what to record because I have studied my wife—her life, her preferences, and her responsibilities—and have learned what makes her tick, romantically speaking. And I learned a long time ago that no matter how amazed or impressed I am by an idea or thought, I almost certainly will forget it if I don't write it down. These notes are my building blocks for creating and cultivating a more romantic marriage.
To learn how to touch your wife's heart and mind, you must study her. Here are two lists that may be helpful. You can probably add to them.
Do you know how to surprise and delight your wife in specific ways in each of the following areas?
  • sex
  • clothing sizes, styles, and stores
  • jewelry
  • health
  • exercise
  • books and magazines
  • movies
  • the arts
  • sports
  • food
  • music
  • entertainment
  • places to visit
  • intellectual interests
  • hobbies
  • vacations/getaways
  • and, of course, sex
Do you know how your wife is faring in each of these areas?
  • theological knowledge
  • practice of the spiritual disciplines
  • growth in godliness
  • spiritual gifts that can be used to serve others
  • involvement in the local church
  • relationship with children
  • relationship with parents
  • relationship with in-laws
  • relationship with friends
  • personal retreats
  • fears
  • hopes
  • dreams
  • disappointments
  • temptations
How much of this information do you have readily available to you, preferably in written form? How much do you really know about your wife in each of these areas?
Processing and planning
Studying our wives and gathering information, of course, is only step one. We must not confuse being informed with being transformed. Transformation doesn't just happen automatically or effortlessly. It is the fruit of application and action.
This is precisely where most men fail, including me. And it should be no mystery why, gentlemen. We have a tendency to be lazy and selfish. Genuine growth involves grace-motivated work, even extended effort. Our information-gathering must be followed by detailed planning and follow-through. Romance occurs when what you know about your wife is specifically applied.
Let me tell you about a practice that I have been engaging in for years and have found immensely helpful. For me, this approach happens to work. You might want to consider trying it ... or create your own. The important thing is that you have some practice that you maintain on a frequent, regular basis. Otherwise all your efforts to learn about your wife will have little actual effect.
Every week, on Sunday evening or Monday morning, I get away to the local Starbucks. Armed with my PDA and a cup of steaming raspberry mocha, I review several things: my roles (husband, father, pastor, etc.), my to-do list, my schedule for the coming week, the book I'm reading, and a message I've heard recently.
The heart of this time is when I define, for each of my roles, what is most important for me to accomplish during the next seven days. I have learned that if I do not define the important, then during the week that which is merely urgent will rush in, disguised as the truly important, and will crowd out everything else.
For each of my roles I identify no more than three important goals I can accomplish that week, and I insert them into my schedule. I'm careful not to load myself down with more than is realistic. This is how the important is identified and protected. The process is absolutely crucial, but it often takes no more than 15 or 20 minutes. (Then, as the week progresses, I make sure my plans are still on track.)
This is obviously not a significant investment of time. But without it a great deal of what I heard and read and learned in the preceding week would be forgotten or left unapplied. Without it I would go through life governed by what seems to be the most urgent thing clamoring for my attention. The truly important things would often go unattended. But with it, as each week unfolds and I find myself engaged in activities that are truly intentional, purposeful, and central, I regularly realize that a particular interaction with my wife is benefiting directly from that time in the coffee shop.
So please don't make the mistake of thinking that simply by reading this you are being changed. I wish it were that easy. But change does not take place until we apply what we are learning in very specific ways, at very specific times, and always in dependence on God's grace to make our efforts effective.
It's just not possible to grow in your love for anything that you take for granted, especially your wife. To increase marital romance, you must study and cherish the object of your affection through the regular investment of time and energy.
As men we are all too eager to touch our wives' bodies before we have taken the time to touch their hearts and minds. I'm trying to restrain you from touching her prematurely, so that when the time does come to touch her body, it will have the deepest possible effect.